Holiday Sugar Plums from Peggy Payne on Huff Po, and a Holiday Gift

This link’ll take you to an interesting site/holiday post about sex and spirituality my wife

PeggyPayne.com put up before our Holiday cruise.  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/peggy-payne/sexier-religious-holidays_b_6228558.html  also, she’ll be interviewed again on public television’s NC BookWatch twice this month.

She watches diligently for cruise bargains around Re-Positioning a ship or other Real deals, and this one was Great!  Not ideally timed, in relation to my traditional  gift to myself , a week’s vacation @ home, from Christmas Eve till Jan 2.  It feels a bit peculiar and unfamiliar to be working only 5 days this month.  An old voice in my mind troubled me about 15 minutes – I shouldn’t be gone from my clients for two such close-in-time, big chunks of  December – darn near the whole month.  Us therapists often struggle with imagining our therapy sessions are necessary for our clients, and that we should put their needs ahead of our own self-care/pleasures – I think these 2 categories often/?usually overlap a great deal – sure not always.

While I wax philosophical, a few words about generosity and compassion to ourselves.  Consider giving a gift(s) to yourself on your birthday and other celebrations when you give gifts to others – Hannukah, Christmas, anniversaries, birthdays, … .  Why not give yourself as much love and compassion as you give the other people you love?  Probably many folks buy and give themselves something at some of those times.  But the Really important gifts are often subjective, can’t be found in stores or bought for money.  And no one else but you can know you want it or need it, and no one but you can give it to you – kind of a Zen Koan.  First you have to let yourself know what you want, then actually give it.

My first gift to myself in this practice years ago, was to add 5 minutes to the 10 minutes I allowed myself between therapy sessions – a 45 minute instead of 50 minute hour.   Just 5 more minutes created surprisingly greater comfort for me in a much more relaxed transition to my next person.

Like Gratitude, this Practice can greatly strengthen your self-love and comfort, especially if you hadn’t gotten enough of those vital supplies through the genetic and developmental accidents of early childhood.  It will likely also transform other important aspects of how you view yourself and treat yourself .  And it is a Practice – practicing it takes courage and persistence, to overcome the habitual perspective and emotional style most of us grew up with.  It’s also a lovely gift to give children, yours and others’, to learn by practice to value and treat one’s self as well as we usually treat others.

I’d not planned to make this post what it’s become – so I’ll consider it my Holiday gift to you and to whomever you teach it.  I wish you many warm and happy moments this season, especially the ones you arrange and give yourselves.  Dr bob